How I met lover B, Beta

I remembered very clearly, that time was middle of June. I started having all those thoughts coming in, where I needed a companion beside me... Distance with Alpha (Cheras/Klang) was already a problem, Alpha is not willing to cut off his clinic hours.. Done considering, moments of hesitation were gone, I decided to start looking around, behind Alpha's back....

Manjam, Axcest, Fridae were all too conventional, the fact that I don't dare to go sauna alone, so I decided to go with Grindr since I have a smartphone Galaxy s2...  I even showed Alpha how cool the app was where you can detect all gay people around you and chat with each other... Alpha got excited at first but got bored after a week or two, he uninstalled it... Luckily Alpha doesn't restrict me from entering Grindr, only advised me not to meet with other guys outside...

There were a few handsome guys I talked to, one of them really caught my attention and I had a crush on him just by looking at his picture... Wearing specs, chubby, sexy eyes, and we chat occasionally in Grindr..  His reply were really slow and I literally waited in Grindr most of the time for his reply... Even though I'm impatient, I controlled myself until one day he decided to ask me out for a drink (I was like OMG is this for real)....

He is staying around Permaisuri area, not quite far from my place.. So he came and pick me up in front of Pantai Cheras Hospital and we went to a chinese food court for a drink...  Seriously, I left a very bad first impression for him at our first meet up... I told him I already have a lover, I tried to order beer due to my addiction because of my friend's influence, that time I was drinking everyday for 3 months already... In addition, I smoke in front of him, plus sitting on the chair with one leg lifted up like Ah Beng from Petaling Streets... Fortunately, he also smokes and he didn't mind about my behaviours at all...

He wasn't wearing specs, the picture in Grindr was his selling point.. Means I got trolled, but anyway he still looked very cute without rimless-glasses.... I thought I screwed up my first meet up, who knows few days later, he asked me out again, somehow I can sense that he has a little bit of interest in me because he initiated to ask me out... I decided to explore further with him and Yes, he is my Lover B...

After a few meet up, we cannot control ourselves anymore, we decided to have Sex........

To be continued

Despite all the things I have

After the Port Dickson trip, I went back to Shithole to battle my final year project and final semester... It wasn't easy I must say, but Alpha kept me company throughout the remaining period of my uni life... His words encouraged me to go forward, to know that he is there supporting me all the time, I managed to pass my final semester... Relieved in a way looking forward to the next phase of my life..

Immediately after I finished my studies, my cousin pulled me into a company and started working there... The timeline is now end of April 2011, where I'm staying in KL again... Me and Alpha still the same, meeting once every week... But this time I have the option to stay over his place, travelling by motorcycle..  The first time I went to Klang it took me 1hour plus just to reach, because I got lost and ended up very frustrated.. Even though I found my way there, Alpha were so sad and worried because I travelled by bike... He decided to give me a car, second hand Savvy just to travel from A to B..

On top of that, I also received a sub platinum credit card with Rm 1k credit limit from him.... No longer using Samsung Galaxy 5, upgraded to Samsung Galaxy S2... Basically, everything is provided by Alpha... Please take note that I'm not bragging, with Alpha around I walked my path much easier compare to others, just a little bit fortunate that's all...

I had to lie to my mom all the time, why suddenly I want to get a car, why I spend so much money on phones, hiding my credit card, going over to friend's place to stay during the weekend and so much more.. Pretend to be extremely busy with my life...

Alpha had no friends, basically his life is all about work->sleep->wake up -> work... We were both working and living routine life... Even after almost a year together, I'm still calling Alpha doctor, which sound more like a formal name than a lover's name.... Weekdays we will be working and meet each other during the weekends, and I work on Saturdays (half day)..

One month later, I met a rich friend (one of the boys) outside who loves to drink alcohol, I got influenced by him and started drinking everyday... I even quit my game and reduced jerrykiat blogging frequency because everyday after work, we would meet up in bars and clubs just to chat and have fun (as in straight clubs and bars)... It was this moment, where I often get myself wasted, bad thoughts started coming into my head...

Why do I have a lover but feels like I don't have a lover?
Why do I feel like I'm having a long distance relationship?
Why do I feel like I have everything but so empty inside?
What's the point of Alpha having so much money but not willing to close his clinic a day or two just to spend some time with me?

Another month have passed, entering the month of June... I can't stand the loneliness anymore, I started initiating my bad thoughts.... That's the time when..........


Next : How I met Beta....

First Chinese New Year holiday

Alpha works 7 days a week, the only off days he has is international public holiday and those big holidays like Chinese New Year or Raya...   During 2011 CNY, Alpha came to me with a suggestion, which is to go for a holiday somewhere away from town..

I smelt fun at that time, until he told me to go during the 1st day of CNY, which totally turned me off... To me, CNY is a family gathering season and everyone gathered to gamble, chit chat etc... We had a small disagreement on it and finally he decided to postponed it to second day of CNY... 4 days 3 nights trip in Port Dickson, Avillion resort...  I accepted unwillingly...

It was my first time going out travelling with my boyfriend though... But my emotions were pretty much mixed, because in a way I was excited, bored, romantic, stressed, happy, sad..

Excited - Going on a trip with BF

Bored - Alpha is not an a very hype kind of guy...

Romantic - Enjoying the beach, sunset, wonderful resort, just the 2 of us..

Stressed - Because my final year project's deadline is in 3 months and I have not begun anything..

Happy - I dont have to worry about my expenses at all with Alpha, I can eat and buy whatever I want.

Sad - I sacrificed my CNY to go on a trip with Alpha...

We spent most of our time in the resort, cuddling, having sex, me doing my gaming and sleep... Cause there's nothing to see/play in Port Dickson except for beach...

I tried proposed to Alpha that me and him should travel to other country, it would be lovely... But my proposal can never be approved until he has holiday, even then it will be only 4 days maximum...

After the trip, I started to focus on my final year project, workload started piling  up and stress kick in.. Around that time I also had a major argument with my coursemate... It was a very difficult final semester for me, but Alpha was around all the time to keep me company..

Unfortunately, through text and phone calls only...

Next : What Alpha couldn't provide me..

Boy toy, godfather or sugardaddy...

Alpha might be a doctor, but his appearance definitely does not look like one.. He dresses himself up with  extremely old clothings in his wardrobe, despite having an entire room (his house) filled with clothings like formal, semi-formal shirt, everyday he chose to wear the same old cloths (polo T) over and over again...

I ranted a couple times to him, but his defence was "Its very comfortable wearing it", never realized that it made him looked very old... Alpha is tall, fat and hunch back, plus wearing the polo T, it became really funny to me... So everytime when I hang out with him in public places, I feel uncomfortable and awkward... People  always ask me "Is this your father?" , "NO" obviously....

Not because of his looks, but rather the whole package seemed wrong, like me wearing a dress (Please don't try to imagine that)...  Complaining to him wouldn't work cause to him, image is not the main issue, as long as he has money... 

After 5 months we've been together, I never really understand the current status in our relationship.. Sometimes I feel as if I'm being used, sometimes I feel like he is my sugardaddy cause he pays for everything... Food, shopping, movies etc....   At times I feel like he's a father to me, cause everyone said so...

One fine day I decided to ask Alpha about it, 

Jerry - Doctor (I always call him doctor), what is our current status in this relationship?

Alpha - You are my baby *shivers* (yes he calls me baby)

Jerry - Can you define baby?

Alpha - Means you are my lover lo hahaha

The conversation ended like that, didn't dwell in there for long.... So we concluded at that time, our relationship status is lovers... In my mind I was thinking "hmm, how come he never proposed to me to be  his boyfriend? What does lover suppose to mean? Just a title?"

I carried this thought all the time, while tolerating my dislikes about him, because I have yet to find myself an answer....

Entering a semester break, towards the end of 2010... One day, Alpha suddenly proposed to me.. Baby let's go on a holiday trip together this Chinese New Year...

Next : First holiday trip with Alpha

PS: All this is my side of the story, not Alpha's side....

My first experience in Sauna

Actually Alpha decided to bring me to sauna is all because I kept persuading him to bring me. He agreed, under one condition, I must be alongside with him all the time...  We went to Day Thermos in Bukit Bintang, I think that time was around October 2010.. (Yes, there will still be a few more posts before lover B comes in)

When I entered the sauna, we were given a big towel to wrap ourselves up, and no cloths beyond the locker room... Upstairs there were already many guys standing there, of course I was nervous at the time, just don't know what to do... Alpha bring me around the steam room and sauna, which was very dark... I can't remember how the sauna looked like because its been 2 years... There were people touching me along the exploration, but I just kept moving forward while Alpha tried to shove them away lol...

After that, we went upstairs to the make up room section and heard many guys moaning inside.. We occupied a room and had our time in there, after that we left... I really feast my eyes that day, opened up to alot of things and started to understand a little about gay life and this social circle...

On top of that, Alpha also bring me to gay massage places, like Apsara, Borneo, and so on just to get me exposed to all these... We both had an agreement not to touch others, but going for a massage is fine haha... I think I blogged about this in jerrykiat blog before, so this is the other side of the story.. It was Alpha who bring me to experience all this, I wouldn't have the balls to go these places alone...

Back then, I only know those places were boring and I'm not interested to go back at all, so sauna and gay massage story arc will be on a hiatus for now until lover B comes in...

Me and Alpha moved on with our routine weekend hang out.. One thing that always bothered me is that, whenever I hang out with Alpha, I feel uncomfortable when we were out in public places like shopping malls and cafes.... There's just a few things I dislike about Alpha and I'm confused what was our relationship status..

Is he my boyfriend? Is he my good friend? or Is he my sugar daddy?

Stay tuned....

When top meets absolute top..

It doesn't matter whether you are straight lesbian or gay, you still have the type of person and figure that you like... For me, up till I was 22, all the while my type of guys are like boys... Boys as in the range of 16-18 years old, where they look very cute, manja-manja and bromance material type...  No, not a pedo mind you!!!

Then came Alpha, a total 360 degree change of my taste where it didn't occur to me that I'm actually hanging out with a guy much older than me.. There's just a very strange chemistry between me and  him that we can communicate well enough to understand each other... After few times meeting up, of course there will be jeng-jeng-jeng  sex involved....  In fact, we did it the first time when we met each other, in a hotel ~~  (They say those that had sex the first time they met, the relationship wouldn't last, I wonder how true is that)

Its not convenient for us to meet up due to the distance, moreover when it comes to sex, it always have to be in a hotel... Gays have roles when it comes to sex; which is top, bottom and versatile....  Did you know there is also something call, versatile top, top versatile, versatile bottom, bottom versatile, absolute top and super bottom?

I don think I need to explain further on those role, you guys can start by knowing and understanding your own role :D

So, I'm versatile top, and Alpha is absolute top, how?? Either both of us have oral only or we just jerk each other off, that would be the story and plain boring for every section... Until one of us decided  to give in, and that will be me, the versatile top.

Once in a while I'll get fethup, and request for my turn to be top. But most of the time its a failed section due to multiple reasons.... I swear its not easy to penetrate an absolute top because their cherry is so tight, juicy and you don't want them to scream until the whole hotel can hear... So after a few times, I'm quite used to it.. "It means being a bottom :(  "

I guess one has to sacrifice when it comes to sex because if both sides are not willing to give in, it will jeopardize the relationship.. Well that's my opinion...

After a few sex section, I finally saw the other side of gays, the different age category...  Alpha always share his past experience about his previous lover or how he used to be flamboyant in order to get me exposed, because deep down inside me, I'm a very closeted gay and no experience in all this field. One fine weekend, Alpha decided to bring me to sauna...............

Next : My first sauna experience....

How Alpha influenced me..

I was still studying in Shithole when I met Alpha, the semester where I'm doing my final year project proposal...  Even at that time, I'm still going back to KL every weekend consistently, to see my boys and Alpha of course... I only meet him during Sunday, may be once a week or two weeks once...

Whenever I see him, he always have that amazing mobile with him, at that time I'm only using Sony Ericson K 530i...  The third time I met him, he bought me my first ever smartphone in my life, as an early birthday gift, a Samsung Galaxy 5..  I was so happy, even tough the price is not expensive, about Rm 500 at that time.... A phone like that is good enough to keep me going for 2 years or more, because I'm not into mobile at all, as long as I can text and call its good enough for me...

On top of that, he also wanted to give me some pocket money, Rm 200 for me each time we met. For me to have better food when I go back to Shithole, so I don't have to starve myself... Of course I rejected, mom always say not to take money from strangers.. Well, I only rejected him for that time, few weeks later I started to take his money LOL.... Due to him always complaining that I'm thin, need to eat more...

That quarter of the year, suddenly I felt much richer, and I spend money like nobody's business... Slowly I started gaining a little bit of weight, imagine having 6 meals a day... Money isn't a constraint to me any more because of Alpha's support...  I'm not bragging but I'd rather say I'm lucky.

Since then, my life has changed, into a proud arrogant kid who never knew the bitterness in life, all because of Alpha..


Coming up next, when Top meets Top....